I assume it’s been obvious from the beginning that Johnny Cocaine was a quasi-fictional persona. No one’s last name is really Cocaine, is it? Certainly I’ve regularly mentioned the fact that I lie sometimes, in various ways, in order to spread disinformation, make it harder to recognize me, or just get more followers (thanks for the praise, but I really am male and don’t have nice cleavage.)

I “invented” Johnny for a few reasons. I wanted access to the “hacker underground” – web sites, IRC channels, private trackers, etc., in order to gather intelligence. I wanted to do a bit of a social experiment a la Robin Sage. I wanted a place to be un-censored, without it reflecting on my employer or being seen by future employers. And it was damn fun. Plus, though I didn’t know it at the time, I was going to meet a lot of cool people.

The truth is I haven’t done illegal drugs in a long time; even cigarettes are only an occasional vice. (I do however enjoy fine wines, craft beers and expensive liquors.) I’ve never really committed any crimes other than past drug use; I’ve never even been arrested, let alone done time. I rarely make it out to nightclubs or rowdy concerts these days; I wish I had more time to do so.

Much of my real personality and a lot of my real interests did come through. I’m opinionated, sarcastic, distrustful of authority and unthinking obedience, generally libertarian and interested in many of the stereotypical geek hobbies. I have been involved in hacking, both as a culture and activity, for many years; I cut my teeth downloading cracked games from BBS’s for my Commodore 128. By this you can tell that I’m closer to age 40 than 20, although I’m often told i don’t act it. I don’t consider that a bad thing.

I really am an infosec professional; I do pen testing, security assesments, and yes even compliance stuff, as well as security architecture and engineering. My salary gets paid by tax dollars; I won’t say publicly who I work for. I’m not a cop or a spy, although I work regularly with LEOs and counterintelligence groups and have been known to prepare briefings for people whose titles include the words “White House” or “Secretary”.

If you haven’t guessed it already, I’m based on Pittsburgh but travel regularly; this fact will do little to help you find out who I work for. If you do figure it out, more power to you; in fact, contact me, maybe I can get you a job. 🙂

I’m killing off Johnny because I want to live as myself again. I’ll still be at security and hacker cons regularly; I’m just putting the finishing touches on a paper I intend to submit for Shmoocon under my own name.

I don’t want to lose touch with you all, but I’m also not quite ready to publish my full name or employer to the whole world. I’ll probably re-follow a lot of you from my “real” twitter account, which is much more boring. If you want to keep in touch, DM me or email me at johnnycocaine -at- and give me some kind of contact info; if you’re in the industry I’ll probably be willing to connect on Linked In. It’s not a disaster if my real identity becomes known, but I’d rather not have people google my real name and find Johnny in the first few results.

I hope you’ve had half as much fun following me as I’ve had making shit up and reading your tweets. I’m going to do a final Follow Friday and try hard to include all the twitterers who have made this experiment such a blast.

So long, and thanks for all the sploits.

/me plunges a wakizasha into his virtual belly



One Response to “Eulogy”

  1. Tweets that mention Eulogy « Johnny Cocaine: Internet Cowboy -- Says:

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Ryo Kimball, Goebish. Goebish said: @johnnycocaine RIP Johnny Cocaine, I'll miss you ! […]

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