Johnny’s Startup

poweron at 08:58:13 10/18/2010
running Power On Self Test
CPU diagnostic check: scanning 1xE11 processor cores
98% passed
WARNING: 2% failed – alcohol errors detected
Checking memory…. hazy.
Memory segments 00000000 to Day 9,131 fragmented
Initializing kernel… last updated at Age 16.
Recommend upgrade behavior immediately
Testing primary storage:
Reiserfs detected: Quarantined to prevent homicidal behavior
Testing secondary storage:
WARNING: Unknown eigenvalue, please observe
Quantum computer activated
Loading modules:
lsmod: CRITICAL ERROR: caffeine.ko not found
Please insmod caffeine immediately!
Running cleanup routine…
cat /var/log/memories/last_night
File not found!
Replaying journal
Illicit activity detected.
Copying all logs to /dev/null
Testing I/O:
Audio: Industrial music detected. [OK]
Visual: Screen resolution no longer blurry. [OK]
Olfactory: Freshly lit cigarette detected. [OK]
Taste: Mmmmm, donuts. [OK]
Touch: [REDACTED] [OK]
Loading external data feeds
RFC 1149…
Loading output filter
Boot sequence complete
Welcome to HumanOS version 0.999
johnnycocaine login:


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